Moe

Moe is one of our newest Buddies, having joined the project in 2022. Coming from a refugee background himself, Moe brings a particular insight into the work we do. As well as buddying a local man, Moe has also joined us in running some of our events.

When did you join The Refugee Buddy Project?

I applied around New Year 2022 and it took a while because the DBS checks were taking along time at that point. The main thing was because I myself was an asylum seeker at one point in the UK and there was no such support system. We knew nobody, had no support system, the Caseworker would show up every now and then, and nothing else, and adapting to the lifestyle there was very, very hard.

I recently had a lot of spare time, and I thought maybe I should volunteer, and I saw that this project was nearby and I thought “Oh my god that’s great!” because that’s something I wish I had available to me.   

I’m currently based in Hastings and the person I work with is a young male in college, trying to figure out his education route to go to university. As someone who went to university themselves I have been guiding him and coaching him toward which ways he can go - showing him the options I wish I knew. Just general help as well in anything because when you move to this country there’s a lot of things that are very foreign to you - a TV license? That was a very bizarre thing me - that’s not a thing anywhere else in the world. How to save money - as people who live here we know how to use voucher codes, gift cards and what not, but people who move here they have no clue about that, they’re not savvy in that way. 

I do ad-hoc work as well - one of the best things we did recently was the Pop-Up Syrian dinner at The Nest. I used to work in events management so those skills came out. The chef there Helen is an amazing cook but she hasn’t had much experience within the restaurant industry itself. At first she was so tense in the kitchen, constantly she was doubting herself, but then when everything got set and she came down and saw how happy people were, just seeing her posture relax, smiling, cracking jokes with people, taking pictures was really rewarding.  

How does your personal story bring value to your volunteering work?  

I feel like after having conversations with other buddies, I know more of the Middle Eastern culture - a lot of the refugees that we work with are from that region. So for example I know what Ramadan is, what Eid is, and how to approach these situations. I think that definitely gives me the upper hand. Even knowing how much of an honour it is to get invited for a meal, made it easier for me.  

Also with my own experience as being a former refugee, the person that I am currently paired with , I feel like I have made a deep level of connection. I have been in their shoes, and they know that, and it was such a seamless experience that we got along straight away. I mean we are good friends, i just direct him to ways he wishes to go to.   

Having experience of both ends of the spectrum, without the necessary support, what could happen?   

Without this support you end up with what me and my siblings experienced, you just get the feeling left out in school and not knowing the culture. It’s a massive culture shock but with the right support of someone who lives here and wants to help you, you can just skip the time it takes to adapt. It depends on age as well, so I was 12 and my god I was bullied when I started because I was so different and didn’t understand their ways. I mean kids can be horrible, so I wouldn’t say they were racist, but if you are different and you haven’t understood how to adapt to it, the buddy system can help you through that.

What are the challenges of being a volunteer?  

Knowing initially what lives you can cross but our Buddy Handbook is really handy and straightforward. As much as you feel the need to gift people things they need, we don’t do that because that can create a dynamic of power where they might feel vulnerable where they have to return the favour. That’s a challenge of wanting to go further, but knowing why you can’t, and it makes sense. Internally I wish I could always do a bit more. That’s a dilemma. At the end of the day we are guides. I look at myself as a sign-poster when I do this. I can direct him to the right places, I’ll show him the way, but he goes on his own journey.   
 
Regarding my buddy, there are things he is going through that I have the knowledge of hindsight with because I went through it too. For me there’s a point where I came from home, but now that’s gone, and when that cuts off now I’m fully adapted as it were, but he still refers to that country as his ‘home’. We talk about how eventually he will be able to call this home too once he’s more comfortable. He can see that light at the end of the tunnel. He talks about how he misses it.

Is life in the UK easy?  

I never even really wanted to come to the UK, I wasn’t even thinking about if it was easy or not, I was thinking “why am I here?” I wish my initial home was better for me. No one would willingly move and leave their family and where they grew up behind, no matter what childhood they went through. This is one of the harder things for people to comprehend for why we decided to come to the UK… we had no choice! Afghanistan or the UK?   

People really aren’t here for your benefits. There’s a lot of countries in the EU doing a lot more than what the UK is offering. My family came here for a chance to be treated fairly - that’s all. Point blank. Human rights. That’s why we came. Is that too much to ask for? On the news you might think its exaggerated, but tell me what there is for a woman to do in Afghanistan other than looking after her family and children? The whole language saying you're filling up smuggler's pockets. Well, okay, what if there was a legal way around? Then you say these people are illegal, but what is the legal way? Is it going through United Nations? That happens once in a blue moon, I'm afraid. And now people are being sent to Rwanda.   

Definitely if you have a genuine interest in helping people, this is the thing to do because you make an actual impact in their day to day life. That's it. These are real people. I don't like to think of them as a statistic on our taxes and what not. If you want to know what they go through, if you want to make a difference in these people's lives, it's very honourable thing, in my opinion.   

Do people need to have a background like yours with that cultural knowledge?   

Not at all. Once I came across the project, I realised there must be similar organisations across the country. I have a friend who is currently in Manchester and doing something very similar to what I'm doing and she is of a white English background - she's like twenty generations of English - and she loves doing it because she has a genuine interest in helping people. That's all you've got to need. You don't need my background, but maybe sometimes if you need the extra knowledge, I'm willing to help people out with that. You will be working alongside people that have been volunteering for so long, they will know so much about these kind of things and you can always go for advice and they're always happy to help.

Do you feel supported as a volunteer by the Buddy project?   

Yeah, extremely. I mean we use Loomio which I like using to point out what I've been doing. Then if there's something very important, Chelsey the Buddy Coordinator will pick me up and email me like, "Hey, I heard about that, let's see what we can do." And I feel like everything that I have come across with the person I'm buddied with, is being acknowledged and we are trying to actively do something about it collectively.    

How has your Buddy shaped your experience? Have you only had one buddy?   

Yes, so far one. I genuinely like to think that I've made a good friend here, so that's amazing. That's hard to do at my age right now! If you get along great, you might end up being good friends and hang out. That has shaped my experience really well, ending up with someone who is very similar to me, even though we may have a similar ish background we had to leave the country for a completely different reason, completely different circumstances. That has shaped my experience exponentially, and I think it will for other people as well, because you've just got to see them as actual people with actual interests, not just refugees.   

For someone whose only reference of what refugee is from the news, what would you say to them?    

Okay, let's just take one example. Let's say your country's regime turns against your people,  and starts firing gas, starts airstrikes, raids, and a foreign body comes in as well. And that creates a militia and all these things are happening in that country. You can't go to school because on your way to school you might bump into a mine. Would you stay in that country? You'd be mad.   

If you know that there is potentially a chance at life again for your family. That's how I like to put it, to be honest. That's why I've come from two generations of refugees. My grandfather was in Uzbekistan and he had to flee because the USSR banned religion and stopped anyone who was practising religion at all or anyone who owned land. So he ran away to Afghanistan where there was still religion. He get's to Afghanistan, guess what? The USSR came again. So they had to flee that land and go to Saudi Arabia. Okay. They go to Saudi Arabia and the human rights there - even though I was born there I can never be a citizen there. If one day my parents employer decides they don't want him anymore, they can kick us back up to Afghanistan and that's what happened. So it was just an endless loop except now there's all these militias and war lords in play. If these things were to happen to anyone, would they actually stay in these places knowing what is out there in the world? My mom used to tell me stories about how she would walk to university. She was studying to be a doctor and there would be landmines on the way. So she had to stop going to university. That's why they left. Believe it or not, still to this day, they always want to go back.   

For me, the worst thing is I don't think I ever really had a home. For my parents it was Afghanistan. But I've never been to Afghanistan myself properly. Born in Saudi but could never be Saudi, came to the UK and I think here is the only place that's actually really accepted who I am. Yet  when people ask me, "where are you from" I say the UK, "No where you actually from?" ... yeah the UK man! [chuckles]  

What's one thing you're looking forward to in the future?   

I'm looking forward to the day my buddy lands a job that he wants to study towards. Really that will be a proud moment. Like I helped someone achieve that or just any small part of it as well. Because right now he's doing his college work and if he wants to go, I hope he gets into the university. That will be amazing. Or if he wants to go to apprenticeship, I hope he goes that way like whatever he chooses. I hope it's just the next step I want him to take. And that's what I'm looking forward to.   

One more thing, actually, I wanted to say: for the people out there, looking to volunteer, you don't really have to do that much. There isn't much to it. I mean, you can do as much as you want to, but the requirement is very little. Maybe you need one day out of your week to somewhat dedicate a few hours. So if you think this is going to be an intense aspect on your workload, it really isn't. And the satisfaction that you make outweighs that by far.