Judie

Judie began volunteering with us in 2017, and is one of our longest serving volunteers.

As well as volunteering with a newly arrived family, Judie also takes part in our Inductions, helping new volunteers understand what its like to volunteer with us, as well as attending and helping at our social gatherings.

How did your Buddy journey begin? 

I started being a Buddy in October 2018. I started thinking about it in about the April of that year and I did leave it quite a while because I realised it would be quite an emotional volunteering. I was worried at the beginning that something I would do or wouldn't do or didn't do might affect the people I’m supporting. I went to a networking meeting where a lot of other organisations who support refugees and asylum seekers were and it really crystallised that I wanted to do it. I haven't got a direct refugee background but I don't have any English heritage and my family in different ways either have been persecuted or were immigrants, generally because of those reasons I did feel that it was right for me to do.   

I met with Rossana, and it was when she was at the other cafe, and she matched me up with a family that had just arrived with very little children. Rossana gave me a little bit of background as to what happened with them and how they've been in the refugee camp in Jordan. The first time I went it was like “I don't really know what I'm doing here, it was kind of a different world for me” 

Why is that? Was it the language barrier? 

Everything. It was the language, it was the environment, and my buddy spoke a little but she didn’t smile, she was obviously very traumatised. The husband didn't speak any English at all, like a total of ten words I think. Her English was quite good then, I mean it's perfect now, but then we could just about converse.

But I found that the best thing that we used to talk about in the beginning was food. I had this Arabic-English pictorial dictionary and we would just point to things and say “oh yeah this is the word, and that is the word” then talk about it. I was really embarrassed because they were so hospitable and they had so little, but yet they always insisted that I eat. I realised that that was just something in their culture that had to be done. There were no two ways about it. Someone comes to your house and you feed them and that's just how it works. That was nice.  

For a while I went every week. After a few weeks I was able to go by myself and help them with out with little things, like utilities. Lots of things they didn't understand, for example if they wanted to get something off the internet they didn't always know. Things like the buses or shops. I took her to the library so she could join.

Even now, they don't need a huge amount of support but she’ll ring me up and I do go round theirs, and she'll say “Oh I had this text, do you think it’s a scam?” or “Can you tell me how this works” but mostly we just chat now really. They're very young, so it's not just the strangeness of everything, but they are finding their way as a young family.

What did you experience that made you shift your expectations? 

Yeah, a lot! It hasn't all been plain sailing. We have reflective practice sessions, and they're very useful for that because we can speak in complete confidence about something that's happened and share experiences. One thing that I haven't really struggled with is the culture or religion because I find it so interesting. She will often talk to me about religion or I'll ask her questions about the culture. I like to be able to see both sides of the story. 

What would you say you've gained from this exchange? 

I’ve learnt so much. I've always had empathy for people that aren’t the same as me, I've always realised that we are all different and I’m just really lucky to be in this situation. We can become quite immune to war because it's there all the time. Just learning and hearing about people's experiences and realising they're not just stories in novels, they're real and those people have come out the other side. I’ve grown as a person because of that.  

Well actually, I’ve also gained a lot of nice dinners.  

What resources does the Buddy project offer that support the regular volunteer? 

I mentioned the reflective practice sessions. Sometimes those won't necessarily be about our relationships with our families but it might be about more general things. If that's the case, then that will go back to Rossana to look at a system change.  

Another thing is Loomio, our internal communication system, which I find helpful because I either want help or I want to give information that's going to help someone else. I't’s also great for shout outs for help - for instance when there was a furniture move, I put something on there. Next thing you know someone came round with a van!  

Even though I have had some crises, I don't ever feel like I'm not supported. I sometimes think I should have gone for the support earlier than I did, because it's there for a reason and I have had my worries about the family, where sometimes I've tried to deal with it myself. You just want to be the person that helps and solves everything, but sometimes you can't be.  

Can anyone volunteer? Do they need specialist knowledge of any area?  

Well, I do the inductions about once or twice a month with Rossana and Mursheda. You can't say that refugees are a different ‘kind’ of person, they're just a complete snapshot of demographic, some people are grumpy, some people are happy, some people maybe aren't as nice as others. So, it's not one size fits all for participants or volunteers, and you just have to expect that.  

It's not like we’re the ‘big white giver’. There is a tendency to think that, especially with what's happening in Ukraine. People think “I’ll open my house to lots of people in Ukraine!” but have they really thought about what happens in six months? What happens if your house is in the middle of the country and the people you welcome can't get around. All these things have to be thought through very carefully.  

Don't think that you are the giver and they are the receiver, there's a two-way relationship here. One little mistake I made when I first used to go round and visit the family, was that I noticed she seemed to be struggling in the small kitchen with not enough work surfaces. Everything seemed to end up on the floor, or things would come out of the oven that weren't supposed to be there. I took it on myself to see if anyone knew if you can attach wall shelves in rented accommodation. And Rossana said “Well does she want it?” I said “I don't know! But I thought she did.” “Well, if she doesn't want it, don't ask.”  

I figured then maybe she's just used to cooking like that. I totally made an assumption. Don’t make assumptions. Don't think that just because you find something nice or difficult, or tricky, that they will as well. It would be a bit like me saying, try this garlic press, when she’s used to a pestle and mortar. You’ve got to really work out what the person wants. I've gotten better at not making assumptions.  

What keeps you pushing through despite the challenges?  

Well, what you're doing as a volunteer is the icing on the cake. The Caseworkers will sort out all the logistics and all the infrastructure, but what we do - I suppose it's a good analogy - is we put the cushions and throws on the settees. The Caseworkers don't have time to show someone round town or to sit and chat necessarily. You can bring so much to the organisation with just what you have. It’s about the final touches of life here, and being the person that's going to say welcome - or ‘marhaba!’